Dear Ruby,
Hey sweetie. I hope everything is going well for you. I was going to refrain from discussing court stuff with you but I think you deserve the truth.
I got a letter from your mom’s lawyer, basically your mom has taken the stance of “prove I haven’t let you communicate with Ruby” and “prove you are her father by taking a DNA test.” I know that is just to delay you and I from being allowed to communicate, which is extremely petty. What is really hurtful though is that your mom wants the judge to prevent you and I to have a father and child relationship because I have caused you trauma and keeping me out of your life is in your best interests. One day when you actually get to read these letters from me, you’ll see the truth, and I’ll have the documents to back my claims.
I struggled all night trying to get my head around why Jen wants to cause me more suffering that I’ve already endured. I woke up wondering if I will be able to deal with this in a Christian manner, then I read this in one of my devotionals:
“What the Father is asking of you is not supposed to be easy. If trusting God were easy, everyone would do it. In some ways, maintaining your faith in Him is the most difficult challenge you’ll encounter because it means turning away from every natural instinct in you.
You must deny your fleshly need to control your circumstances, to rule your life, and to see evidence of your heart’s desires coming to fruition. This is absolutely essential if you are to truly know and serve Him. But God is a patient and gentle teacher, and He will give you the grace to place your full confidence in Him.
Friend, God’s help to you may not always unfold the way you imagine it will, but you can always trust that He will bless you when you faithfully obey Him. So, focus on Him and His activity –not on your circumstances. And be assured, you can trust Him. “
Isn’t it great how God can find the right message at the right time? I’ll never give up on trying to be in your life.
I’ll never faulter in my love for you either. I know that He will help bring us back together, if for some reason the judge grants the ridiculous demands proffered by your mom’s lawyer, when I am released from custody and my circumstances have changed, I’ll save up the money to hire a team of lawyers. If I had to spend a million dollars just to have a monthly phone call with you, I wouldn’t have overpaid a penny.
I want you to know that even though I’m trapped in an ugly battle with your mom right now, I love her. Not like a husband/wife love or even like a family member love, but its own unique love. We spent over a decade together, albeit rough in a lot of spots, she was a very important part of my life. Most importantly we made you together and raised you together, at least for the first part of your life. So, try to understand that I’m not mad at her for this, I know she feels that she has to punish me and her best tool to do that with is you, I forgive her for that. God has forgiven me of my sins and my trespasses, and knowing that, I have learned to forgive myself also. If Jen doesn’t want to forgive me for betraying her, the series of bad decisions, and the emotional breakdown I had, that is her burden to bear.
Your mom knows I was/will be a great father to you. In fact, she said so in her statement to DCFS. No matter what sweetie I’ll be home soon, according to my appeal lawyer there is a good chance I’ll be home at the end of this year! If not, I’ll be home in 2026.
I love you and miss you, I pray for you every day and ask God to get us in communication with each other.
Remember, God made you special and He loves you very much.
Love,
Daddy
Letters to Ruby 